1. People who claim to have "pretty dirty" houses usually have a cleaner home than those who claim to have "pretty clean" houses. It's all relative!

2. My own house is "pretty clean".

3. Simply hanging a shower cleaner and a squeegee in your shower will not keep your shower clean. You actually have to use it!

4. Once you leave for work in the morning your dog considers intruders to be visitors.

5. CATS ARE MEAN!!!

6. People who live in the dirtiest houses have the most speed cleaning tips. Go figure!

7. The term speed cleaning is an oxymoron. Thorough cleaning takes time.

8. The man who says to his wife " You're doing a great job cleaning. You don't need a housecleaning service. " is not being complimentary!!! He's being cheap, insensitive and lazy.

9. "How to clean it" does not enter into manufacturers design and materials decisions. Except for stainless steel...here they sell you the special cleaner.

10. A complimentary note is much more edifying than a tip ever could be.

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss", he says, "We are doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith", the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss", says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

You might need house-cleaning if...

1. There's more dust ON your vacuum than IN it.

2. The pet hair on your carpets weighs more than your pet.

3.  Your dust bunnies are dust tumbleweeds.

4. Your lovely "frosted" glass top coffee table isn't really frosted at all.

5. Your home cleaning supplies have passed their expiration date.

6. "World Wide Web" refers to the cobwebs in your corners.

Submitted by a fan:

How To Clean Your Toilet

1. First open both lids.
2. Squirt as much shampoo in toilet as you deem necessary.
3. While gently petting the cat, bring it to the toilet.
4. With one hand holding cat, and the other on both toilet lids.
5. Drop cat into toilet while quickly closing both lids at the same time.
6. You might have to stand on the toilet at this time.
7. Allow cat to thrash around for two to three minutes.
8. At this time flush toilet three to four times, for rinsing purposes.
9. Open door to the out side of house.
10. Making sure that nothing or no one is between the toilet and door.
11. Carefully open toilet lid.
12.Cat will jump out, and run outside where he will dry off.
....... And the toilet will be left sparkling clean.

by The Dog